Keisha and Kaseem

So I heard through the Grapevine that Keisha Knight Pulliam has a new reality show debuting on Oxygen called "Keisha and Kaseem. I have to stay on top of any updates.

Mighty Michelle: Holding it Down as Usual

Revelations on Black Manhood & Love

What is Black Manhood?

Unfortunately, I managed to make it to age 25 and still not understand it completely.

All that I know about Black Manhood is that its tough--but so is Black Womanhood.

What do you get when you mix Black Men & Love?

In a recent conversation with another close friend of mine, we talked about our experience with our fathers and its impact on relationships we have with men--platonic or romantic. The conversation was somber towards the end because we had so many unanswered questions and left the phone line reflecting on our own experiences with Black Manhood.

One of the most profound illustrations of Black Manhood was described to me in Steve Harvey's book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Somehow, this brother was able to break down the essence of being a man in a way that I actually understood. In Steve Harvey's book, there is an entire chapter where Harvey explains how men show love towards women in ways that women may or may not be fully aware. He spends a whole chapter describing three things that men will do if he is really into you and wants to show that he loves you.

1. Profess: meaning that a man goes out of his way to make sure every man in the room knows you're his woman and not "just a friend" or not just " (insert name here)."

2. Provide: bringing home the bacon to provide for the family. He talks a LOT about bills and their priorities. You have to pick up the book yourself to get all he has to share on this one.

3. Protect: self-explanatory. A "good" man can recognize you for the strong independent woman that you are but he feels its necessary for him to be able to protect the woman and family that he loves. So, while he understands that you are a strong Black woman, taking out the trash, carrying the groceries, and mowing the law are things young black men were taught to do at an early age to prepare them for providing and protecting their woman in manhood. NOTE: This is a totally different conversation but I will keep it moving.

Later in the book, Harvey mentioned that in return, Black men only need 3 things: loyalty, support, and "the cookie." With these six ideas, we learn that once "good" Black men know what they want and believe to have found it, they will do what is necessary to keep it. Now there is a lot of work to get all of these pieces to fit together, but the basics are there.

On top of reading Harvey's book, I happened to be working with a client recently who was seeking counseling primarily due to the bruising of his dignity and pride in his ability to maintain a certain definition of manhood.

This client broke down the significance of how it feels to be a man and provide for a family. He talked about the importance of being able to connect with the woman he married. He explained that he promised her father that he would do whatever necessary to take care of her when he asked permission to marry her. For various reasons, he felt he had let both her and her father down. He was hurt. While I cannot explain the nature of this client's predicament, please believe that whatever happened to this person was sincerely not a situation he created.

Now for all the people who really know me understand that I can be a bag of water at times....this was one of those times...but I held it down.

I was really moved because for the first time in a long time, I witnessed the true love of a Black man. I felt the tension and emotion in his voice. This man had to humble himself and ask for help. He was a man that did not believe in going to see "therapists." He always takes everything to GOD. However, this "situation" was one that brought him to a place he had never been before and it scared him.

The fact that he was not only physically distant from the love of his life and they were having issues was enough to deal with; but he was seriously hurting because he felt that he failed to be the man that he always believed himself to be. He cried--perhaps for the first time.

Thats love...

Its sad that it took me 25 years to witness the power of romantic love within a black man. Whats even more unfortunate is that it did not come from someone I know--a family member. I first felt and understood "real" romantic love of a Black Man from virtually a stranger.

There was so much to his story but I think you get a snippet of the raw emotion coming from this client and the significance of upholding manhood and his love for his family.

The picture in this post is my favorite picture of Barack Obama. My interpretation of this picture could go on forever. Yet, the words that come to mind is Black Manhood. I see love in that picture.

If only we can see brothers love on each other like this everyday....

If only we could see Black men love Black women as my client loves his wife and respects her family.

If only black men could begin to love themselves and seek God in everything they do...we all would have a more firm understanding of Black Manhood.

Women & Labels

Women love Labels.

We want to know the quality of the item we were seeking. We believe that if we at least know the name on the label, we are able to determine if the item is worth purchasing, sacrificing, and tailoring. If only we knew the label, we could make decisions on when and where to wear this item. The material, the fit, the color, and your feel in the item matters, but if the label is not suitable for your tastes some women shy away at even bringing the item along to certain events. Women love labels because the labels give women a since of how significant the item can appear to not only themselves, but society at large.

Unfortunately, we sometimes get so caught up in labels that we disregard how precious an item can be and ignore how it may compliment our features. Why shy away at a Payless pump if the color goes perfect with your gown and they feel great on your feet? Should we not just enjoy the time we have with the shoe and Thank the Lord they do not hurt our feet while out with friends? Far too often, we mistake labels with superiority and we miss the opportunity to just live in the moment. Yes, women love labels---especially when it comes to relationships.

Last night I sat with a close friend who is confused about a relationship with her boyfriend (or whatever label/category she will ultimately decide). We discussed the problems we both share with having to know exactly what our relationships with men mean. She explained that its easier to know what to expect when you have labels. She went on to say how much easier it is to know that you are with someone exclusively and he is with you too. So of course I had to play Devil's Advocate for while. I asked whats in a label? Is it not enough to know that you have a healthy relationship with a great guy? A guy who supports you, prays for you, and wants the best for you? Then we started to discuss, at what point is it really necessary to have a label?

According to Steve Harvey's new book, Act Like A Lady Think Like A man--there are five questions you must ask a man to know where you really stand in a relationship with him. But I will not spoil the book, you have to go buy your own!

I honestly think labels get in the way of building a relationship, but at the same time, it is comforting to know where you stand. This year I have resolved to focus on MsBlake and wholeheartedly believe that all things will come together in due time. Until then...live life and forget the labels....

...At least until my biological clock really starts to tick.

**Sighs**

Women and Labels.

My President...

Before I call it a night, I had to post a comment on Barack Obama's Press Conference.

CNN's Ed Henry asked Barack Obama why it took him a few days to respond to the AIG Bonus fiasco.

My President said : "It took us a couple of days because I like to know what I'm talking about before I speak."

He said it with a straight face and immediately moved on to the next question. I was initally shocked. Then I laughed. And I finally was like, "Yeah! Obama is no George W. Bush!"

Change has come...

Dumbest Thing I ever Heard!

A Harvard Professor named, Jeffrey Miron, recently wrote commentary for CNN arguing that Legalizing Drugs will Stop Violence.

In what world?

Although the Professor has some interesting points (e.g., prohibition breeding disrespect for the law but I think this has more to do with institutional discrimination especially targeting specific neighborhoods and groups of people), the majority made me very angry for a number of reasons.

1. Research shows that people in the most distressed situations turn to abusing alcohol and drugs to "ease the pain" of their hardships. The fact the there are a disproportiate number of African-Americans and Latinos enduring hardships leads to an inevitable spike in their abuse of alcohol and drugs. As a professional advocating for change in these types of communities and also as a fellow citizen, legalizing drugs would devastate these communities and add to their ongoing issues that have been present for decades. Do you recall what the boom in crack use did to Black families and neighborhoods in the 80s? Is it not already a problem that there is a liquor store on every street corner in Black neighborhoods. Just image adding hard drugs to the inventory...

2. If all drugs were made legal, we would still need task force to regulate the sale and distribution of these items. A great example of this issue is with alcohol. Colleges across the nation have to continuously deal with underage drinking. Parents are also increasingly unaware of their childrens' behaviors sometimes even at home. Far too often we hear sad stories of teens and young adults dying due to overdosing on drugs; not to mention the alcohol related car accidents that take the lives of innocent commuters. I think this will open up a can of worms!

3. These recreational activities do nothing to help people cope with their real problems. Drugs sugar coats real problems! This includes marijuana (oh I will hear it from some people I know)!

4. Another point, which is one of the most important is the fact that most of the illicit drugs this professor would condone legalizing are deadly. We all know that too much of a good thing is no good at all. Just think about someone who is not familiar at all with drugs and their side effects overdosing.

5. Its an unacceptable argument! Legalizing drugs to stop violence is ridiculous. I would argue that it will only make matters worse and bring drug abuse and crime to another level.

I wonder if this Professor's thinking would be different if he actually grew up in neighborhoods destroyed by drugs. I wonder if this Professor's thinking would be different if he his mother or father were addicted to crack all of his life.

This is another fine example of White Male Privilege.

I am sure I could come up with more reasons or arguements but I just could not wait to write this blog.

This is the dumbest thing I ever heard....

Michelle Obama: She Got It

She got it! This woman has been holding it down even before Barack Obama announced his run for President. However, since winning the White House, Mrs. Obama has been everywhere! From working directly with military families to visiting area schools, she has made it clear that she wants to stay connected with the American people. This is definitely a good look...

Ok. Back to working on getting those "Michelle Obama" arms...