Sunday, May 17, 2009

The Rehearsal

My cousins and I recently called ourselves having an indoor "Ladies Night." Getting all six of us together on the same weekend is tough! We are all twenty-somethings and have our own lives to work out. However, on rare occassions we have opportunities for nights like this particular night. Just as when we were teenagers, the topic of our discussions surrounded men and women in relationships.

My eldest cousin in the house got pretty furious during our discussion. She said she is tired of "the rehearsal." She went on to equate relationships to any sport or hobby. She talked about the struggles of sharpening technique, building skills and finding the "right" players for the team. I began thinking about all the time women invest into their "crafts," which can vary with each woman. Some of us spend time preparing by getting our careers, finances, spiritual well being, etc together. While others want to make sure they know how to hold down the homefront with cooking and running a household. No matter your position, women of color in their 20s are usually preparing and not getting married or into really serious relationships until late 20s/early 30s. With all that said, it can be exhausting to put so much effort into the rehearsal. We spend so much time preparing for the big dance or the big show, and we forget to dance!

When she shared her perspective, I thought about the movie "Center Stage" and the ballerina lifestyle. I cannot even begin to imagine all the time, money, and patience put into building their talent. The shoes, the scuffed up toes, issues with weight, the classes, expectations,performance mistakes and anxiety, and the really "important" recitals. All of these things are expected and its no different for relationships. Everyone is waiting for the main event also known as the wedding. But people rarely think about what happens after the show or the wedding. Some women just want the title: Principal Ballerina. Wife.

Its exhausting. I finally told her...just dance.

If you focus on your dance, the magnitude of the event or who will or will not be there will not matter. Why? Because if you've done what you were supposed to do, the "right" player will not be able to take his eyes off of you. Your presence, style, technique, and talent would be hard to miss.

And if you are passed over, it was not meant for you. NEXT!

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